GWAR Super Bowl Halftime Show Explained by Oderus Urungus

In an effort to make everyone switch over to whatever Animal Planet's doing this year, the NFL hired Bruno Mars as the haltime entertainment for this year's Super Bowl. Soon after, a petition for oddball theatrical metalheads GWAR to play the biggest set in the world appeared on Change.org, netting 44,000 signatures.

While a GWAR halftime show will never happen, Oderus Urungus clued everyone in on exactly what it would entail:

What would a GWAR Super Bowl halftime show be like? First we would have to find it. Once there we -- a group of blood-stained intergalactic marauders riding around inside a giant bat -- tailgate in the parking lot. You can imagine the bill for parking, which we pay in feces. After copious amounts of baby-kebobs and GWAR Beer we march inside.

But then, surprise! GWAR has no intention of playing the halftime show. GWAR is there for one reason -- to KILL. We bum-rush the field during the kickoff and proceed to take on both teams. By the end of the first quarter the field would be a ruin of broken, bleeding bodies and crushed helmets.

...

We would still have uninspired corporate dwiddle-pop like The Black Eyed Peas, Bruno Mars, Justin Bieber...in fact we would have them all. GWAR would sit back on our thrones of metallic opulence as one by one these groveling creatures were led to their deaths.  

(via)

Let's be honest, GWAR would sound much more believable singing a song about "making love like gorillas" anyway. They've got the animal/sex hybird song market cornered.