Patton Oswalt bashes marketing company on Twitter

Patton Oswalt is a regular provider of Twitter gold. Today, when he was contacted by Brander (a skeezy company that pays human scum to promote their clients via Twitter), was no exception. Oswalt started off with a simple enough response that he would not be bought by the company.

.@BA_Influencers Can we cut out the middleman and you guys just take a big, wet shit right on my soul? Might save time.

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

However, Oswalt quickly saw that he had missed an opportunity and turned the company's bread and butter on its head with a series of twisted sponsored tweet examples.

Hey, @BA_Influencers. Might have been a bit harsh on you guys. Let me send you some examples of my "awesome brand tweeting." Ready?

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

 

.@BA_Influencers If you hate static cling as much as God hates gays & women, then @BounceFresh dryer sheets are a must!!!

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

 

.@BA_Influencers The great taste of @SunChips won't make you forget that "handsy" counselor at sailing camp, but they're still good.

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

 

.@BA_Influencers Tired of the tooth enamel loss from bulimia? The roaring bout of diarrhea from @TacoBell keeps your smile fresh!

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

 

And the clear winner...

.@BA_Influencers Packed with peanuts, @SNICKERS gets 'em in the van and KEEPS 'em in the van.

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

 

Patton capped it all off with a beautiful analogy and an impassioned hashtag.

Last one, guys: Integrity is like a pink, unsullied vagina. Let @BA_Influencers cram the Cock of Compromise balls-deep. #fuck #off

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 27, 2013

 

Patton- 1, Start-up that'll make your parents roll their eyes-0.

(h/t to Uproxx)

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