Jimmy Kimmel Live's latest Celebrity Mean Tweets features a cavalcade of musical guests reading out the hilarious bile and filth the internet hate machine can spew forth. Josh Groban, Drake, Lady Gaga, Sam Smith, Jessie J, Blake Shelton, Haim, Wiz Khalifa, Ed Sheeran, Iggy Azalea, Pitbull, Sia, Childish Gambino, Britney Spears, Ariana Grande, Jason Aldean, 5 Seconds Of Summer, Katy Perry and Psy all read hate-filled and belly laugh- inducing tweets about them eating sh*t, being inbred, ugly... and looking like "voldemort with hair."
— billboard (@billboard) February 3, 2015
One tweeter asked whether who would rather listen to dewy-eyed crooner Josh Groban or have diarrhea ladled into one's ear, another bets that a Lady Gaga fragrance "smells like d*ck," but at least Tom Petty-melody thief Sam Smith inspired some 'thorough dislike', rather than hate. So hey, that's a step in the right direction.
Canadian emoticon rapper Drake is our mysterious person who looks like dark lord "Voldemort with hair," Jessie J's bowel movements are dissected, and The Voice judge Blake Shelton is sworn at - presumably unprompted - before being called an "inbred hick."
And, to prove that the internet has no clue, Haim are 'ugly as f*ck' and 'perform like they're orgasming'. Which a) doesn't really make sense, b) is clearly not true and c) we should ban 14 year olds from twitter.
Ed Sheeran is "still ugly" (true) while Wiz Khalifa "looks like a homeless woman" (also true) and Childish Gambino "looks like he tried to suck his own d*ck a few times." (Ouch. But "fair", according to the "3005" rapper.)
(Photo : Screenshot Courtesy of ABC/Youtube)
Australian mysterio Sia sounds like she has a mouth full of, er, something unpleasant -- so, as Pitchfork's Zoe Camp points out, "she's got a jar full of peanut butter to distract from the sting."
"Fancy" rapper and fellow Australian Iggy Azalea's mole falls victim to some oddly-placed hate, while walking STI Pitbull's voice box apparently inspires gorilla d*ck-based sexual fantasies.
Mother-of-two and one-time singer Britney Spears scores an odd city comparison (no, it's not Paris; trashy, smelly and full of French guys) while someone out there would rather listen to an 'auto-tuned queef' than Ariana Grande.
As Rolling Stone point out, they're not all throwaway burns, with "one Jason Aldean hater recommending incestuous sexual relations."
As for Australian boy band Five Seconds of Summer? Apparently someone would rather bathe in their own vomit than see them on tour. Depends on what they've been eating?
Super Bowl 49 halftime star and left shark enthusiast Katy Perry's voice reminds someone of "balls covered in glass sliding down my throat" - again, which doesn't really make any sense - and lastly, Psy's "Gangnam Style" prompted one pleasant twitter user to threaten to shove a stick somewhere unpleasant "so he can't dance anymore."
Aww., Taking away the joy of dance from someone? That's legit mean.
Watch the full clip below: